


The Lost Queen

by amorenpsykhe



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia RPF
Genre: F/M, Friends of Narnia, Golden Age (Narnia), Narnia, Narnian Subcultures, Once a King or Queen of Narnia Always a King or Queen of Narnia, Post-Book: The Last Battle (Narnia)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25147879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorenpsykhe/pseuds/amorenpsykhe
Summary: What happens to a Queen of Narnia without her King?
Relationships: Edmund Pevensie & Lucy Pevensie & Peter Pevensie & Susan Pevensie, Peter Pevensie & Susan Pevensie, Peter Pevensie/Susan Pevensie
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

The room was clean and nicely furnished. There were pictures of children gracing the walls as well as Diplomas and Certificates. It seemed like the perfect place to get a check up. There was a chair in front of a vast desk and a girl, no older than seventeen sat on it, fidgeting nervously.

If you had seen her at any other time, you would have been struck by how beautiful she was; long dark hair and striking, bright blue eyes graced a face with high cheekbones and full lips. She was a stunner, no doubt about it. However the current expression on her gentle features would sooner remind someone of one waiting for her their death sentence. It was probably what was awaiting her on the other side of the door, the one she did not dare to turn to look upon. She had been through hell and back in the last month and if her suspicions were correct, that ride was far from over.

At first, she associated the vomiting and constant headaches with the magnitude of her loss, because no matter how strong you are, losing one’s almost entire family will affect you in ways that you can’t even imagine. So the girl waited, occasionally playing with the hem of her black skirt. She had been carefree once, she had liked to play and be silly... those times were over now.

The door opened and the girl still not dared to look behind her. She knew the doctor had entered the room, but she did not acknowledge his presence. She would be strong. She would not cry.

The doctor walked past her and sat on his chair, a folder in his hands and a grim expression on his face.

The girl’s expression turned from fear to despair.

“Miss?” the doctor asked with concern, “Are you feeling alright?” He asked, a warmer but much less appealing expression covering his feautres.

It was pity.

“I feel fine,” she answered curtly trying to mask her emotions, despite the obvious sadness on her face. “Do you...?” She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question, so she just looked down, her plaid skirt appearing much more interesting than the news she was about to receive.

“Yes,” the doctor announced grimly. “We have the results,” he said, nodding towards the folder he’d been carrying.

“And?”

“It was what we expected,” he said and she felt her world come crashing down around her. “You are pregnant...” She didn’t hear the rest of the words following that sentence for she burst into tears.

“Oh, Miss!” the doctor said, clearly accustomed to this situation. “It is no worry, you are very young...”

“You don’t understand...” she managed to choke out.

“We know you are unmarried but if you told the boy and his family, I’m sure something could be arranged...”

“No!” she yelled and the doctor jumped back. “The father is dead,” she stated simply.

That declaration was followed by a very uncomfortable silence.

The doctor eventually nodded in understanding. As the girl wiped her tears away with a handkerchief, he smiled to her again and she decided she didn’t like him smiling any more than she liked him pitying her.

“You have an option then,” the doctor said casually. “There’s a house in the outskirts of town, where they help young mothers such as yourself and then they can find a nice family for the baby...”

“What?” snapped the girl. “You... you want me to give up my baby?” she asked weakly.

“I believe you have no other choice, you are a minor and you have no family left and...”

“That’s not true,” she interrupted, choking back a sob.

“I know it was a great shock what happened to your family but...”

“I have an Aunt! Aunt Rose! She lives in Oxford!” contradicted the girl, ignoring the look she was getting from the doctor, who was clearly fed up with being interrupted.

“Ah, alright then, we can contact your aunt and see if she’ll take care of you until you become of age... still I strongly recommend—”

“Thank you doctor.” The girl replied to his unspoken “recommendations” with a defiant face. “I can wait outside until you try to get in touch with her,” she said simply.

“Miss Pevensie?” called the doctor as she was reaching for the doorknob.

“Yes?” She answered with her back to him.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” he said, she could hear the false sympathy in his voice even without looking at him.

“No,” she turned to face him with a grim expression. “There’s no hope for me anymore, but my child... he will live a happy life... I’ll make sure of that.”

 _I swear I will love this child for the both of us, my love,_ Susan thought to herself as she left the doctor’s office.


	2. The real world

Susan studied her reflection in the grimy mirror. She slowly turned sideways and lifted her dark sweater up untill it covered only her breasts, her eyes travelling across her flat stomach as she wondered when she would start showing.

Her roomate’s voice broke her out of her trance. “Susan, what are you doing?” She asked with a laugh. “Worried you’ll get fat?” She said with a smile.

Susan returned her genuine smile with a flase one of her own “Oh, you never know when a boy might be looking,” she said simply.

“Alright, “Miss perfection”, finish your packing already so I can meet my probably not so nice new roomate,” the other girl scolded her with mock severity

“I already finished my packing, Martha,” Susan said, turning her back to her.

Martha raised her eyebrows and looked at their joint bathroom. All of Susan’s lipsticks and make up were still there, unpacked.

“But..” Martha began, but was interrupted by Susan who gave her a sharp look.

“I have everything I need, thank you,” she said almost cruely, but instantly regretted it when she saw Martha’s hurt expression. “I’m sorry, Martha” she said honestly, “I guess it’s just what coming of age feels like.”

Susan grimaced at her own lie. All of the girls at the orphanage had been told that she was becoming of age and that was the reason she was leaving the house; none of them were to know she was with child.

Her guardian, Madam Stewart hadn’t been very understanding when she had gotten the call from the doctor, informing her that a certain Susan Pevensie was due to give birth in less than eight months. She had been cold and inquisitive as to who the baby’s father was, but Susan wouldn’t budge, she didn’t utter a single word. Steward, as the girls called her, had tried to persuade the young woman to go to a safe house for young mothers but Susan had refused, as she did with the doctor, only angering the caretaker. Soon her Aunt Rose was contacted and ‘Steward’ couldn’t be happier to be rid of the pregnant girl.

Aunt Rose. Now that was a different story. She wasn’t really Susan’s aunt and she only knew her by name- she had been her father’s cousin- but it appeared they had been very close in their childhood since Susan and her brothers and sister always recieved presents from her at Christmas. She hadn’t attended the funerals though, only sent a card for Susan which contained her condolences and a photo of her father in his younger years, but no invitation to stay at her house. So having no family left, Susan was sent to the orphanage. She was really suprised when her “aunt” had so eagerly invited her to her house upon hearing the news of her pregnancy.

Susan stoped her musings when she saw Martha leaning over her bags.

Four bags.

One for each one of them.

“You never did show me what was in the other three, Su,” Martha said casually. “Last chance,” she added playfully.

Susan’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of opening those bags. They contained the things that were most precious to her brothers and sister. Lucy’s toys, Edmund’s books

and Peter’s...

She choked back a sob when she thought of Peter’s notebooks, all of them filled with their adventures and his most intimate thoughts... she hadn’t dared to open them, she had just put them in the bag and took them with her to the orphanage.

Martha looked down when she saw her roomate’s expression, “I’m sorry, Su,” she said sincerely, “I didn’t mean to upset you” She smiled.

Susan returned her smile. She was going to miss Martha.

Before any of them could said anything else, a little girl appeared on the door. She looked frightened and Susan understood immediatly that she was under the ‘Steward’s’ orders.

“Miss Pevensie?” she said timidly, “Mrs Stewart says that they’re here to pick you up,” she added and ran from the room.

Susan didn’t know how she succeded to bring down all four bags by herself, but somehow she managed. ‘Steward’ was waiting by the door with a scruffy looking dark-haired man who smiled at her when she put her bags down.

“Miss Pevensie,” Steward barked and nodded at the young man, “Ronald Reuel Tinselwood.” She made the introductions and grabbed the doorknob.“He will make sure you get sure to your Aunt Rose’s,” she added opening the door and practically pushing them both outside.

“Farewell Ronald, Miss Pevensie,” Steward said and snapped the door shut behind her.

Ronald turned to help her with her luggage, “Sorry ‘bout that.” He said, “Lady can be mean sometimes.” He tried to smile at Susan. “Don’t blame you for not wantin’ your small ‘un around ‘er.”

“You know?” Susan asked curtly.

“’Course I do,” he gave her a knowing smile “D’you think this is the first time I do this?”

“Oh,” she said simply.“So what do we do now?” she asked, a hint of fear in her voice.

“We go to me car,” he explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You

don’t want to be walking to Oxford, do you?” he winked.

“No.” Susan smiled “Of course not.”

Their trip to Oxford could have been long and tedious but Susan found a sympathetic soul in Ronald, who was more than happy to share with her stories of his childhood and how he came to be Steward’s “taking care of problems” boy.

“See, lady wasn’t so bad when she was younger, used to be my mum’s bestest friend. Then her husband died and I got sent to look after her. But she don’t need anyone to take care o’ her. Instead she pays me well for takin’ care of sweet little things like you,” he explained, three hours into their trip.

“You sound like you’re going to murder me.” Susan tried to smile.

“Nah, never that, little thing, just get you safe and sound to your auntie’s.” He winked again, then turned serious. “But you haven’t said a single thing about yourself this whole time... you must think I’m a rude caveman” he said and smiled

“There’s not much to say.” Susan’s voice turned cold. “Just pregnant and alone,” she added.

“What of the daddy?”

“Dead.”

“Sorry,” he put one hand over her shoulder and removed it almost instantly at her look. She clearly didn’t like to be touched... at least not anymore.

Suddenly their “instant friendship” had grown cold and embarassing and neither of them spoke another word for a while.

“He’s not really gone,” Ronald said after some long uncomfortable moments. “He’s in your belly, welll ‘alf of him is there at least. The other half of the baby will be all you but at least you’ll always have a part of him.”

Susan turned from the window, a serious expression in her face. “Thank you,” she said choking back a sob. The young man would never know how much his words affected her. She hadn’t thought about that until now, but she knew now for certain that her child would be a boy and that he would resemble his father. Call it mother’s intuition, call it what you want, but she was sure of that.

Suddenly a thought occured to her. “Ronald?”

“Yes?”

“Do you like fairytales?”

“’Course I do,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Can I tell you one?” She asked hopefully.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve heard ‘em all.”

“Not this one,” she smiled secretly. “Once upon a time there were four Kings and Queens in a land called Narnia...”


	3. Aunt Rose

Susan could see Lucy and Edmund dancing circles in a forest clearing, while a friendly looking faun played the flute. At her shoulder, she noticed, stood, a very handsome Peter, who, smiling down at her, invited her to dance.

“Susan,” he said fondly, and she squezzed his hand between hers. Too lost in his blue eyes, she found herself drawn towards her younger siblings before she knew it. With shock she found she couldn’t move. “Susan?” Her brother arched his eyebrows at her strange behaivour “Susan, come with me!” He ordered.

“I can’t!” She cried

“Why not?”Peter asked and she instantly recognized the High King in him speaking.

“He won’t let me!” She said desperatley.

“Susan!” Peter yelled and she felt strong hands pulling at her shoulders from behind, She grudgingly let go of Peter’s hand as she was pulled into the night, away from him... Soon she couldn’t see him anymore, only hear his call or, “Susan! Susan!”

“Susan!” She felt a pair of strong hands gripping her shoulders and she opened her eyes to see Ronald’s worried face staring down at her. “Are you okay?” The older man asked.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said simply.

“You were talking in your sleep” He stated with a frown. “Who ‘won’t let you’?” He asked with curiosity.

“God,” she replied curtly, only to noice that the car had stopped. “Ronald why did we stop?”

“Oh!” He smiled, apparently forgetting all about ‘God’ when he spoke.“We’re here,” he said simply.

“Already?” She asked with suprise

“Yes, you slept for four hours,” he informed.“I didn’t have the heart to wake you, poor thing, you seemed so tired!”

“Thanks,” “Susan said without really paying attention, her whole focus now was on the big house outside. “Is this Aunt’s Rose’s?” she inquired.

“Yes,” “he smiled sadly. “I’m afraid this is where we part ways, liltle thing,” he added grimly.

Susan was quiet for a moment. “Won’t you come with me inside?” She asked tentatively, suddenly feeling sad to leave her companion.

“No.” He shook his head. “I shan’t, it woudlnt’ be right, it isn’t right, it’s your family and I’m just a stranger”

“You’re not a stranger.” She smiled sadly at him. “Will I ever see you again?”

“I sure hope so, little thing,” he said unconvincingly. “But in case we don’t, make sure to tell the little one all about Marmia...”

“Narnia,” she corrected with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, that, do tell him about that, please.”

“I will,”

she said.

“I’ll help you unload your things” he said and got out of the car and she followed.

And too soon Susan found herself staring at the retreating car with a sad expression on her face. Ronald Reuel, she thought to herself, I like that name...

But a voice that reminded Susan of a mare in heat broke her out of her reverie.

“Gods! Susan!” The voice cried and Susan turned around. A petite woman with a kind face was rushing from the house towards her. Her plump aspect making her look almost comical as she ran down the stone path leading from the house. When she finally reached Susan, the woman studied her for a moment. “You have your father’s eyes,” she concluded after a short silence.

“Aunt Rose!” Susan smiled and nodded her head.

“Yes,"she acuiesed .“This is my home,” said she, poitning to the house. “And I very much hope it will be yours too,” she added happily and put her arm around the girl’s shoulders.

Susan smiled in return.

“Aunt Rose?” She asked as they started walking towards the house.

“Just auntie, dear, but that’s just for you.”

“Alright then, Auntie... why did you let me stay with you?”

“I loved your father like my own brother, you know,” Rose said fondly. ”He wouldn’t have wanted me to leave his little girl all alone in a situation like this:”

Susan had wanted to say: “then why didn’t you come to take me with you after the accident?” but bit her tongue since she didn’t want to anger ‘Auntie’ Rose and end up homeless again.

They entered the big Victorian manor which reminded Susan of another house, another time. She was lost in her memories untill she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.

Rose entered, carrying her bags before she could take a second look. “Oh really, child!” she laughed “You have a lot of things!” She finished and wiped the sweat off her forehead with her chubby hands. Then Aunt Rose turned serious, “I expect you’d like to see your room.”

“Yes, please,” Susan answered.

“Alright” Rose smiled. “HARRIET!” She yelled and her voice echoed through the house.

Susan looked to her left and saw a young girl of about fourteen coming out from behind a cupboard.

“Yes, mother?” The girl, ‘Harriet’, inquired and Susan could swear she heard a hint of fear in her voice.

“This is your cousin Susan,” Rose nodded at the young woman and Susan smiled at Harriet who in turn did not return it. “You are to bring her to her room. Take her things too!” she ordered and then turned to Susan. “I’ll see you at dinner, my dear,” she concluded and disappeared through one of the doors.

Harriet stared at Susan’s bags absently, before she moved to pick them up.

“Let me help you with—“ Susan began but was cut short by her ‘cousin’.

“No,” she said without looking at her. “She told me to bring them, she might get mad if I don’t.”

“I’m sure she won’t—“

“I said no!” Harriet said grimly and piled the four bags one on top of the other as they began walking up the stairs.

Susan was somewhat disturbed at the young girl’s behaivor. Why wouldn’t Harriet let her help? Was she afraid of Aunt Rose? The woman seemed so cheerful and nice she didn’t dare to think that was the reason. They walked through two pairs of stairs untill they reached the second floor and Susan idly wondered how hard it would be for her to conduct her very pregnant self up and down those steps in a few months.

Finally, they were there and Harriet opened the door to a very spacious and well-furnished room. There was a bed, a dresser and Susan discovered she even had her own bathroom. She walked ahead of her cousin and took a long look around before turning to Harriet and smiling “I like this room.”

She got no response.

“Where do you sleep?” Susan inquired curiously.

Silence.

“Are you alright, Harriet?”

“Good.” The younger girl finally replied “Is everything okay then?” She asked, her eyes not leaving the floor.

Susan opened her mouth to answer but the girl was gone before she could continue. Strange girl, she thought to herself as she yawned suddenly realizing she was very tired. She turned around and decided to lie down for a bit, thinking it couldn’t be good for the baby if she stressed herself out.

She walked towards the bed and laid her body upon the silken sheets, sleep soon claiming her.

They were lying side by side in the comfortable grass, the wind caressing their naked skins. He was looking at her with the most innocent expression. She laughed to herself as he flung a leg across hers.

“What?” He asked with mock concern.

“Nothing,” she smiled sweetly at her lover. “I was just looking at you.”

“What do you see?” He inquired, closing his eyes and hugging her even closer to him.

“The High King of Narnia...” she began seriously, “... who enjoys frolicking in the grass behind Mr Tumnus’ house better than entrataining his guests,” she ended with a laugh.

“Ouch!” He said and placed a hand upon his heart.“It isn’t my fault that the princesses of Archenland keep flinging themselves at me!” He complained, eyes open and focused on her.

“Well, I don’t blame them.” Susan laughed wholeheartedly at his statement.

“I don’t either,” he smiled smugly and recieved a slap to his shoulder.

“Don’t be cocky, it’s not fit for a a king,” she scolded.

His expression turned serious, “I don’t want a princess.” He stated.“I want a Queen.”

“I’m sure you’ll find one,” she said sadly and turned away from to lay her back flat against the ground and stare at the stars...

She felt a hand on her cheek, cleaning the tears that she hadn’t noticed falling.

“I already have.”

Susan opened her eyes and turned her head, almost expecting to see him laying next to her. She felt the tears coming to her eyes and, before she could stop herself, she found herself crying. “Why did you take them?!” She cried out in anguish.

Before she could resume her sobbing or even make herself presentable the door swung open. Aunt Rose stood there with a worried expression on her face.

“Child!” She cried and ran towards the bed, Susan expected more hollow condolences, maybe even a hug, but what she heard suprised her “Don’t be too loud.” he might hear you!”

“He?” Susan asked, tears still streaming down her face.

“The Baron.” Rose answered as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. “Come, clean those tears away. He’s dying to meet you!”

Susan was confused. A Baron? Why would a Baron want to meet her? Why couldn’t they just let her grieve in peace? Rose led her to the bathroom and splashed some water across her face.

“There.” Rose said with raised eyebrows. “You look good enough,” she added before d dragging her downstairs by the arm.

“Auntie? What’s happening?” Susan asked in confusion.

“You’re about to meet your future husband,” her aunt replied.

Susan choked back a sob.

Husband?


	4. Valiant Kings and Midnight visits

Susan had gone back to her room after the dinner with Aunt Rose and the Baron. She thought back on the evening with heavy lids.

The Baron, Susan found out, was actually a rather nice man, if not a little old. He had told her in very few words that he couldn’t have heirs and that, should she marry him before her child was born, he would give her and her child a home and a name. He even alluded, politely, to the fact that there would be no need for intimacy. But Susan was nevertheless angry because of Aunt Rose’s devious dealings. She should have been told from the start that she would be part of an arranged marriage in coming to this house.

During dinner, Aunt Rose had explained her close relationship with the Baron. She had recounted to Susan how they had been friends for the longest time and how he was now kindly kindly kind helping her out after a rather long financial problem. The very problem which, she said, had kept her from welcoming Susan to her house after her family had died. Noticing her niece’s furtive glances, she assured Susan that the choice was entirely up to her and that she was in no way being ambushed into marrying the Baron.

After they had finished dinner, Susan found she enjoyed the Baron’s – Jack- Jack’s company, but she told him in no uncertain terms that she did not wish to be married and that her heart still belonged to the father of her child. So he, in turn, told her about his “Dear Katherine” and how she had been taken from him when they were both so very young; how he had never recovered from his loss and never remarried; but now, after his brother’s death, his nephew was next in line to inherit the title. But the young man’s dubious character was a sure sign of the dishonor he would bring to the family name and the Baron would sooner have prefered a stranger to him.

Susan felt sympathy for the man and was about to reiterate her previous answer when she began considering her position. She was really alone. She had no money, no family and no education. She couldn’t depend on Aunt Rose forever, especially now after hearing she was having financial problems. It was up to her to find her way in life. 

The man was honest. He could give her a home and her son, a father, but would she be betraying him by accepting? Why not? She thought to herself. He betrayed you in a way... but she found herself not wanting to follow that train of thought, afraid it would lead to hatred towards her former lover... It was the same reason she hadn’t opened his notebooks. Afraid they would only eventually lead her to hate him and she didn’t want that because she knew that if that came to be, she would be hating her own child too.

She was so tired, she just wanted to sleep, but she needed to be practical. To her own suprise she found herself actually considering the Baron’s proposal before it occured to her that she had already been married. She had already been a bride. She couldn’t help wondering if her marriage to the Baron would be anything like the previous one.

Queen Lucy held her sister’s head in her lap as she cried. She had been like this for hours, ever since they’d gotten the news. It appeared that only one of the men who had gone with High King Peter to negotiate the peace treaty with the giants had returned bearing news that King Peter and his men were being held against their will and would probably be slaughtered before morning.

King Edmund paced through Peter’s rooms without direction. But though he was already re-grouping his army, it would take more than a day to reach the Giant Territories. Peter would be dead by then.

“Susan, you must calm down!” Edmund knelt next to his sister. “You are of no use to him in this state.”

“I know,” she said and sat up cleaning her tears with a handkerchief. “But if I hadn’t been away, if I hadn’t gone to meet Rabadash maybe...”

“Maybe what?” Lucy asked gravely. “Maybe his jealousy wouldn’t have driven him mad and he wouldn’t have decided to go fight those monsters?” The youngest Pevensie shook her head and walked away from her siblings. She was crying now. “Don’t you see it in his eyes?” she asked, tears streaming down her face, “Don’t you see you break his heart little by little every time you go meet any new suitors? Oh Susan!” Lucy cried. “He’s in love with you!”

Susan walked towards her sister and seized her roughly by the shoulders. “Don’t say that!”Her older sister yelled “He can’t love me! It would be impossible!”

“Really?” Lucy questioned with mock understanding. “Then why is it that you have no problem with him sleeping in your rooms so many nights?”

Susan slapped her and Lucy slapped her back. Both sisters stared at eachother with utmost hatred for what seemed like the longest time, until Edmund intervened.

“Susan, I do not intend to know what’s going on between you and Peter, but he does tend to get very ‘agitated’ every time you go meet new suitors, so I would consider what Lucy is saying...”

“So what are you saying?” Susan turned away from Lucy and faced her younger brother, “That I should marry my own brother?” she asked while pulling her shoulders back haughtily.

“No one in this room will think less of any of you if you did,” Edmund answered wisely. “You’ve been dancing around eachother for ages and it’s clearly what he wants, but what is it you want, Susan?”

Susan pondered his question for a moment. Did she love him? Was she ready to give him her heart? Then she thought about what might happen to her if he were to return dead and the answer was as clear as day.

Before Susan could voice it however, a faun called Helioth entered the room crying at the top of his lungs. “King Edmund! King Edmund!”

“Yes, Helioth?”

“He has returned! High King Peter has returned!” Helioth announced joyously. “He and his men will need you, Queen Lucy, they are very---“

“What happened?” Edmund interrupted the faun.

“They escaped, my lord,” Helioth said. “There was a battle with the giants but somehow King Peter managed to elude them. He and a hundred Narnians returned alive..., many were harmed but I’m sure Queen Lucy---“

“Where is he?” Susan demanded. “I need to see him, Helioth, please...”

“Yes, my lady,” Helioth bowed at the gentle Queen. “I will take you to him,”

Queen Susan made her way down the many flights of stairs of Cair Paravel in a rush. Upon finally reaching the main gates where the army of the High King was being tended to, she searched the sea of nameless faces. Centaurs, fauns and various talking beasts, they all looked the same to her, stained with blood and dirt, some walking with difficulty, some sprawled across the floor. Until her eyes found him in the crowd, she could not but fear the worst. 

No one would have been able to tell him apart from the other soldiers. He was as bloodied and as dirty as they were, but still he stood tall, a slight limp in his walk as he barked orders to the still standing soldiers asking them to take care of those who had not been so lucky. She had never seen him so tired.

Susan didn’t know how long she stared at him before he finally met her gaze.

“Susan!” he called weakly, thankfully, and it seemed as if he had survived only to see her face again before he fell.

Susan rushed to his side and held him against her breast for what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few moments. “Don’t ever leave me again, Peter,” she pleaded as he regained consciousness.

“I won’t. I promise.” He said steadily.

She lowered her lips to his with fervent passion, and for the first time, she did not care who might be looking.

The next day, after Queen Lucy’s magical elixir had cured all of the wounded soldiers, High King Peter and Queen Susan were wedded. And there was never a happier day in Narnia.

Susan’s eyes snapped open when she felt the cold object against her throat.

A figure was hovering over her with a knife poised at her neck. The figure’s height and awkward slim form left no doubt about its identity...

“Harriet?” Susan asked in a terrified whisper.

“Shut up!” The younger girl ordered.

“I don’t understand,” Susan said, choking back her fears, “Why are you doing this?” she asked, wishing she had her old horn more than anything.

“You should never have come,” Harriet replied and then spat in her face.

It took Susan several long moments before she noticed the girl was gone from her room. A few shocked tears escaped her eyes as she raced to her door, quickly securing the lock.

Relizing that her cousin’s spit was still covering her forehead, she clumsily wiped it away only to notice she was trembling.

Still shaking from head to toe Susan walked back to her bed. Her hand pressed against the lump of fear in her neck verifying that she hadn’t been harmed. 

This has to be a nightmare.


	5. Gentlemen and Notebooks

Three months had passed ever since Harriet’s attack and Susan tried to be as indifferent as she could with the strange girl. When the teenager found out that Susan now locked her door at night, she would incensantly bang her fists against it, yelling odd curses., This, however, didn’t seem to trouble Aunt Rose’s sleep, whom Susan had discovered was quite a heavy sleeper on her first weeks in the Manor.

Susan wasn’t really scared for herself. She feared nevertheless, that Harriet might try to do something to her baby, since now at four months her pregnancy was quite obvious. She made sure to make an excuse to change plates with Aunt Rose the morning after the first attack, just in case the girl had put something in her food. Susan knew her cousin would never purposely hurt her mother, but the girl had continued to eat without even looking at her. In the end Aunt Rose hadn’t been poisoned and Susan had felt like an enormous idiot.

Harriet was rarely seen at day, only joining Rose, Susan and, occasionaly, the Baron, for meals. According to her mother she prefered to lock herself in her room for hours and pray.

“I never quite understood her. I’m really sure she thinks I don’t love her, but I just don’t know how to treat her! She is so strange Susan! I wish she could learn from you...” Aunt Rose had confessed to Susan when taking her to the doctor’s office for her weekly appointment.

Today Susan was walking the mansion’s grounds with the Baron. Shortly after having met her, he had made a habit to stop by the house in the afternoons and take long walks with her. Susan enjoyed his company and his tales of the Great War, when he had been a soldier. She told him her baby’s father had also longed to be in the army before he was killed but she refused to give away any more information about him.

“Why is it so important to keep his identity a secret?” The Baron asked after Susan announced she was tired and would like to sit down.

Susan sighed as she sat down on one of the lawn-chairs, “You never give up, do you,

Baron?” she chuckled.

“I just wish you would tell me a little more about him.” The Baron sat down next to her and made a grunting noise. “Oh my poor back!” He complained.

Susan laughed. “Careful, Baron” she warned playfully. “I can’t marry you if you’re dead.”

The Baron turned serious then. “That is if you marry me at all,” he said in a tired voice.

“Why me, Baron?” Susan asked suddenly. “I’m nothing.”

“You are not nothing.” The old man’s feautres softened. “You have loved and been loved, and that is the most important thing in the world,” he stated with affection. “You don’t realize it now, sweet Susan, but when you’re at death’s door like me, it will be the only thing that brings a smile to your lips,” he said sadly.

There was a long silence in which the Baron looked at Susan intensenly but her own gaze was fixed on her belly.

“His name was Peter,” she said finally and then put a hand over her mouth as silent tears began to slip down her cheeks.

“Oh dear Susan!” The Baron cried and patted her reasuringly on the back. “I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you... the memories of his death are still too near...”

“It’s not that, Baron,” Susan said, wiping her tears with her hands, “It’s just that I hadn’t said his name aloud since the funeral,” she added with a sad smile.

The Baron nodded and an awkward silence followed.

“We’d best go back inside,” he said looking at the sky. “A storm is brewing.”

Susan felt in a trance as she was led back into the house. She remembered seeing Aunt Rose and biding the Baron farewell. But there was only one thing on her mind. Since she had spoken his name it was all she could think about.

Peter’s notebooks.

She had wondered for months and months if what they had shared indeed been real, if he had loved her for her and not only because she had been the only female close in his age in Narnia; if he had loved her with the same passion she had felt for him in the real world. If all of his sweet words – whispered in the moment of ecstasy- had been true.

It was time to get some answers, and he wasn’t around anymore to give them.

When Susan reached her bedroom door she was suprised to see it half-open. She clearly remembered having locked it in the morning when she had gone downstairs to join Aunt Rose for breakfast. Then, upon a closer inspection, she noticed the tiny marks around the lock’s surface. It had definitley been tampered with.

Susan opened the door with reluctance and the sight that met her eyes was nothing short of horrifying.

The bed was a mess: covers thrown aside, the pillows laid side by side as if they were man and wife upon the bed’s surface. Her clothes were scatterred all over the place, torn and mangled.... And yet that was not what made the sight so horrible. It was the suitcases, all three of the remaining bags had been opened and their contents lay scattered around.

Susan instantly recognized Edmund’s copy of The Illiad and saw the stuffed lion Lucy would cling to desperatley when having a nightmare. Tears filled her eyes at the outrageousness of it all. These were her family’s things! How did the little monster dare? Then she noticed the third bag was empty.

Harriet had taken Peter’s notebooks.

She didn’t know how fast she ran out of the room, but soon she was at Harriet’s door. Hands protecting her stomach, she kicked it open with all the strenght she possesed.

Susan saw the girl sitting with her back to her, completley oblivious to the fact that someone had just burst into her room. She was staring at the cover of one of the notebooks.

“Why the hell did you take those?” Susan screamed.

She thought she heard a soft whimper for a second, but then she realized it wasn’t a sob.

It was giggling.

“You said his name was Peter,” the girl laughed.

“What?”

“Outside. With the Baron.” Harriet said between giggles. “You told him his name was Peter!” She yelled burtsting with laugheter.

“So?” Susan asked, thinking that the girl had clearly lost her mind.

Harriet turned and threw the notebook she was holding at her feet. Susan leaned down to pick it up and then she saw it.

Oh God.

Property of Peter Pevensie

“I...” Susan began but she was cut off by the hystericall laughter of her cousin.

“You laid with your own brother!” She screamed. “You are going to burn in hell!” she continued to laugh.

The deranged girl started walking towards Susan and began to circle her while chanting: “Burn, burn, burn, the wicked witch will burn!”

“Stop!” Susan yelled. “You don’t understand!” She tried to defend herself. “I... I... loved him.”

“Burn, burn, burn...”

“STOP!”

The girl stopped in her tracks but a horrible smile still graced her features.

“Give me those!” Susan demanded pointing at the notebooks.

“No,” Harriet spat with amusement. “I will keep them,” she laughed. “I will keep them and when I show them to Mother, she will banish you and I’ll be rid of you!”

“You wouldn’t dare—“

“Shut up, tramp” Harriet said with venom “I’s got you now!”

Susan didn’t know what came over her but before she knew it she had slapped Harriet across the face, sending the girl the the floor. The other girl was thrown back for a minute before getting up to her feet and closing the short distance between them pushing the older girl to the floor. She procedeed to hit her square in the abdomen and Susan gasped in pain.

“No!” She yelled and managed to pry the girl off her, she got to her feet as fast as she could and ran towards her own room, putting a chair behind the door to keep it closed.

Susan sank to the floor and held her belly with her hands. She would get them back, she would get Peter’s notebooks back even if that was the last thing she did.


	6. The Devil and The God

Harriet Lewis smiled wickedly as she knocked on the loose wooden tile. This is the one, she thought with a laugh as she pulled it open to reveal her most prized possessions: a crucifix, her bible and last but not least, the notebooks of the Sinner.

She grabbed the one she had been reading, she knew she was only doing God’s will by purifying the heathen’s words with her clean mind. And indeed she enjoyed reading them, basking in the carnal pleasures of the two lovers.

Harriet removed her marker and ignored the tramp’s knocks on her door. Susan had been doing it for the past three months, screaming and demanding at first. But now her pleas were barely above a whisper. Harriet knew she was breaking her cousin. Now there was just one final step, one final act to get Susan out of her life.

She had contemplated giving the notebooks to her mother and the Baron,. She knew God-fearing Rose Lewis would be shamed and horrified and would probably kick the girl out And the Baron – ohm the dear Baron- he would withdraw his marriage proposal and Susan would be left alone, alone with her sin. Then she would probably take her own life. The mere thought of it made Harriet smile.

Harriet stared intently at the page she was reading, Peter Pevensie, the bastard’s father, surely had a way with words. But, in truth, she couldn’t feel for him. She couldn’t be bothered by his romantic feelings for his own sister and it was by reading of their false god that she understood her mission

Thank Aslan that I had her in my arms that night, sleeping soundly; that I could watch her beautiful body graced by the moonlight. There couldn’t be a happier man alive than when I was with her leaning into me, our naked bodies pressed together. She was mine. My wife. Aslan would always watch over us...

Harriet snorted at the name “Aslan” How did they dare replace Christ the Lord with a flase idol? They had even invented another land reminiscent of Heaven! Harriet felt nothing but disgust at the thought of the naked lovers in their pagan rituals.

Then she noticed.

The knocks had stopped.

It was time.

She slowly shut the notebook open and removed her marker. She gathered the notebooks in her arms and stood up, walking slowly but steadily towards the door. Opening, she was stunned by the sight before her.

The heathen tramp was lying on her side, holding her enormous pregnant belly between her hands. Harriet knew she had been breaking her little by little but she had never imagined Susan would end up sleeping by her door, awaiting the chance to get her beloved’s notebooks, especially considering her delicate state. Harriet idly wondered if the Lord had made her stay there tonight because of her plan.

With more sharpness than necessary, Harriet woke her.

“Get up,” she said without emotion.

Susan instantly noticed what her cousin held in her arms.

“Please...” she begged and reached out a hand that was only slapped away.

“It is time you learn your lesson,” Harriet said simply and started walking down the stairs.

Susan staggered a little when she first rose. At seven months, it was now harder than ever to move around. She knew that what was going to happen would not be pretty. Harriet was most likely going to show Aunt Rose the notebooks. But she didn’t care what the old woman might think anymore, she really didn’t. The only thing that had kept her breathing in the three months since the little devil had taken the notebooks was a desperate need to see what Peter had written in them. She needed them... They were her last connection to him. So she followed the other girl down the stairs, defeated.

When they reached the ground floor, Harriet saw her mother and the Baron talking and laughing by the fireplace. Perfect, she thought as she approached them with the pregnant girl in tow.

“Harriet?” Aunt Rose asked with surprise. “And Susan!” The older woman ran towards the other girl. “The Baron has just infromed me you have accepted his proposal. I couldn’t be happier—“

“Mother,” Harriet interrupted with a devious smile. “I believe Susan has something to tell you,” she said matter-of-factly. “Or shall I, Su?” she emphasized Peter’s nickname for her as she sat down by the fireplace.

All eyes turned to Susan.

“I...” Susan said with hesitation. She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“Oh dear Susan,” the Baron said with concern. “It surely can’t be that bad!” he added with a smile.

Susan started to tremble and Aunt Rose enveloped her in her arms. “Child, we’re your family now... you can tell us anything!”

“I...” Susan tried again but failed miserably.

“Allow me to enlighten you, Mother, Baron,” Harriet said with a nod to each. “Your protegee and wife-to-be is not only carrying the bastard of a dead man as she led us to believe,” she said with a certain that neither her mother nor the Baron had ever heard her display before. “She’s also carrying her brother’s bastard child!” She finished with something between malice and venom.

Aunt Rose paled and removed her hands from around Susan’s shoulders. Obviously shocked, the Baron started coughing uncontrollably.

“It isn’t true, is it, Susan?” Aunt Rose asked.

The girl didn’t answer.

“Susan!” she demanded.

“Allow me mother,” Harriet continued and stood up, grabbing the notebooks. “I think this should clear it up for you,” she said opening one of them. “We were standing on her balcony, Susan was wearing only her white silk nightgown and her hair down...”

“Stop it, you little monster!” said Susan, taking a step towards Harriet, her eyes burning with rage.

Harriet ignored her and continued. “... I was still in my combat gear but she didn’t seem to mind when she pulled me close for hug., To feel her so close to me awoke feelings one shouldn’t have for his own sister but I could not help leaning down and...”

“I said STOP!” Susan yelled, tears streaming down her face.

“...kiss her.” Harriet finished and closed the notebook.

Aunt Rose brought a hand to her mouth to muffle a scream, her eyes immediately searching the Baron’s .

“I am so sorry, Jack,” she cried.

“You couldn’t have known,” the Baron assured her sadly

Susan was crying now. She tried to regain some of her dignity and say she was going to leave before she was kicked out when Rose cut her off.

“Susan, how could you?” Her aunt spoke with anger. “And Peter? How did he...?”

Harriet interrupted them. “It was her fault, her sin, Mother” she stated with a shrug . “And now it’s time for her to pay!” She yelled and viciously threw Peter’s notebooks into the fireplace.

Susan yelled in horror as she threw herself forward, trying to salvage the burning papers. “No, no, no, no!” she continued to scream as she burned her hands trying to get them out of the fire.

“You brought this upon yourself,” Harriet said angrily.

Aunt Rose intervened. “Harriet! Stop it!”

“She should pay for her sin!” Harriet said as if it were only natural. “She will burn in hell!”

“I don’t care! I will not have you torturing her because of what she did-“

They were both cut out by Susan’s strangled scream.

The girl was on her feet and her previously clean blue skirt was now stained with blood. Susan’s eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted.

“Jack! Fetch Doctor Keller!” yelled Aunt Rose as she ran to Susan’s side.

It had been five hours since Doctor Keller, the medic who had taken care of Susan during her pregnancy, had come to check on her. And now Harriet was sitting at her room, holding her knees to her chest.

She had overheard Doctor Keller saying that the child was coming and that both he and his mother were in mortal peril. Now she could hear Susan’s screams as she painfully delivered her son into the world.

She had done the right thing, hadn’t she? Susan was a sinner! She deserved to be punished.

It was only then that Harriet started to feel the cold surrounding her and she brought her knees closer to her chest. She closed her eyes and started to pray. When she opened she yelled in terror.

She was in a forest!

How the hell did she end up in a forest?

Harriet scanned the area with her eyes. Snow graced the trees. How could that be? They were in the middle of summer! Then she heard the voice speaking behind her.

“Welcome Harriet, Daughter of Eve,” the voice said making Harriet shiver out of something other than the inherent cold. “I hope you bring news of the traitor Susan and her bastard child.”

Harriet turned around and saw the big figure approaching her. It was... No, it couldn’t be!

Oh God…


	7. Aslan's arrival

Dark hair was clinging to her sweaty forehead and he could feel how she was losing her strenght. As she took a deep breath, it was as if he could feel his own lungs fill with air and then struggle to let it go. The pain was unbearabel, as she gathered all her strength to give another another push. 

“You must be strong, girl!” cried a male voice. “Only a few more and he’ll be out!” he said reassuringly, but the soothing words failed to convince.

“I can’t,” she whispered and fell into darkness and he fell with her.

High King Peter of Narnia woke up clutching his chest.

It had happened again.

Damned dreams!

He pushed his naked body out of the bed, while trying not to wake the pretty girl lying by his side. He tried to shake that voice from his thoughts, the voice that had been haunting him ever since... he couldn’t really remeber since when.

“I can’t....”

He rarely remembered anything of the dreams, but her voice always stayed with him, sometimes soothing and whispering words of care, sometimes screaming and crying. It didn’t matter how many princesses and courtesans he bedded, Peter always expected to hear her voice screaming his name at the moment of climax.

He knew she was just a figment of his imagination, but he couldn’t help think that all the girls he had been with had been just that, “girls”. Yet that voice, that sweet voice... it belonged to a woman.

Peter shook his head in amusement. He was falling in love with a ghost.

The girl woke as he dressed himself. She smiled at him but he did not return it, he didn’t even look at her. The girl shifted awkwardly in the bed and looked down at the blood stained sheets, a look of shame crossing her features.

“Get dressed and leave my rooms, please,” he said uncaringly. “I really don’t want you here, Kylandra...”

“Kellandra,” she corrected, with her head hung low and her eyes filled with tears.

“Sorry, Kellandra, I really don’t want you here when Queen Lucy comes to fetch me for breakfast,” he ended without looking at her.

“But, My King...”

“Just go, please,” he said putting on his swordbelt, “Don’t make it more awkward than it already is”

The girl gathered her clothes and ran from the room, bumping into a surprised Lucy as she opened the door.

“Aslan, Peter! That was the niece of the King of Archenland!” She said disapprovingly. “You should know better...”

“Calm down, dear sister” Peter said with a smile he only saved for his Lucy. “She shed blood last night, she won’t be saying anything if she wants someone ‘respectable’ to wed her,” he added calmly.

“I wish you wouldn’t have to tell me such atrocious details,” Lucy blushed. “Besides, you have to get married someday,” she smiled playfully, any embarassment forgotten.

“Yes, but I do not wish a princess,” he stated. “I want a Queen!”

Peter stopped dead in his tracks. Why did he feel like he had uttered those words before?

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Does this have anything to do with those dreams of yours?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

“No,” he lied, but he knew his sister wouldn’t buy it. She knew him too well.

“All right,” she said, dropping her hands in defeat. “If you won’t take a wife, will you at least escort your beloved sister to breakfast?” she smiled innocently at him.

“It’s only two doors down, dear sister,” he laughed. “But I shall,” he smiled courteously and offered his arm to Lucy who was more than eager to take it.

They arrived at Edmund’s balcony a few minutes later. It didn’t matter how long they had been at Cair Paravel, they still had breakfast in Edmund’s rooms. 

“Good morning, Ed!” Lucy greeted and Edmund made a gesture with his hand at her.

“Manners, Edmund.” Peter scolded him. “Your sister greeted you,” he said severely.

Edmund looked at his brother as if he were the devil incarnate but smiled nonetheless. “Sorry, Lucy,” he apologized, without looking at his sister. When he spoke, his eyes remained fixed on his older brother.

“Oh stop it!” Lucy yelled. “I’m sick and tired of your little arguments, so leave me out of it,” she said and sat opposite Edmund at the table.

Peter and Edmund shared another murderous look before the High King finally took his seat.

“So how are our ‘foreign relations’ with Archenland, Peter?” Edmund asked innocently.

Peter smiled with ease at his brother. “Excellent,” he said with a smug smile, he knew Edmund wasn’t talking about politics.

“Good,” Edmund nodded, “I could hear you ‘debating’ all night long,” he said and Lucy choked on her drink.

Peter laughed and patted his sister’s back. “Oh yes,” he smiled. “The debates were long and tedious, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, since you were never good at debating, right, Ed?” he said maliciously and Edmund’s face turned red with fury. But before he could say anything, Lucy interrupted them.

“As much fun as this is,” she said severely. “I have important news to share,” she added recovering her smile.

“What is it, Lucy?” Peter asked with concern and Edmund merely raised an eyebrow at her.

“He’s been spotted,” she said with glee. “Aslan’s been spotted! He’s coming to Cair Paravel!” She added happily.

Peter and Edmund’s faces light up at her revelation. Immediatley setting aside their differences, they burst into conversation.

“We have to make preparations...”

“A feast is in order...”

“It’s been so long since he last came...”

“I suppose he must have heard about the conflicts in our provinces...”

Lucy smiled at her brothers. It was nice to see them getting along for once.

“Brothers,” she said but they continued to ignore her. “BROTHERS!” she yelled.

They both stopped talking and turned to look at their sister.

“It’s all right. Being the only woman in this family is a burden I have come to accept.” She laughed. “I suggest we prepare a great feast, but we must keep it to ourselves so our guests will be stunned by the suprise.”

“I couldn’t agree more, Lucy,” Peter said fondly.

“Nor I,” Edmund added with a smile to his sister.

Lucy smiled widely. “I’ll go fetch Jill and Polly! They will be so excited!” she announced and ran from the room.

All thoughts of breakfast were forgotten as both brothers set to work. The castle had to be perfect for Aslan. All the servants were hard at work, polishing every armor, cleaning every room. And finally, as the violet colors of dusk faded into black, the feast began.

High King Peter entered the room wearing his finest robes. He nodded at a few dignitaries and smiled at his fellow Narnians as he made his way to his throne. His eyes noticed the King of Archenland who was walking towards him.

“High King,” he said fondly. “I cannot stress enough how glad we are to be in your land!”

“The pleasure is mine,” Peter responded with grace. “Now if you would return to your seat, I guarantee we’re in for a treat tonight,” he finished and resumed his walking towards the end of the room. He seated himself in the highest chair and smiled when he saw his sister secretly whispering with Jill and Polly, and turned to see Edmund deep in conversation with Digory.

“Yes but that was only after they caught us...” Digory was saying.

The High King smiled and looked away to see the rest of the room. Men, women and talking beasts were engrossed in gossiping about what the suprise might be. The young ladies expected a ball and a chance to dance with the handsome High King of Narnia, while the young men spoke of tournaments and contests to prove their bravery. All of them had been strategically placed in two tables facing eachother, leaving a huge space in the middle.

Finally the chatter died down as the main doors of the room opened and the great feline entered. The crowd gasped in awe.

“Aslan!” Peter rose from his seat gracefully and bowed to the Great Lion.

“High King,” Aslan nodded. “Queen Lucy, King Edmund,” he acknowledged each of them. “We have important matters to discuss,” he said then turned to the Centaur who had opened the Hall’s doors for him. “Bring her in,” he ordered.

The Centaur left only to return shortly after, half-dragging a girl who was trembling from head to toe. The entire dinning hall burst into hushed whispers. “Who is she?” some asked, “She’s not from Narnia,” stated others. Aslan studied the terrified captive for a moment, completely oblivious to the rest of the room, before looking back to Peter.

“I believe it’s time I told you about Susan,” Aslan said simply.

Peter exchanged looks of confusion with his brother and sister.

“Susan? Who is she?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.


	8. Fall of the Magnificent

The room was small but impressive. The walls were graced with paintings of great battles and endeavours. It was the kind of room that Harriet would have liked to explore in the past, but now her sole attention was focused on the enormous speaking lion and the young man standing in front of him.

Harriet remembered the abomination reffering to the young man as “High King” and then calling him aside.

This had to be a nightmare. Her faith was probably being tested, she decided. She had to get out of this unnatural place, because she knew nothing here could be real... the Lord would never allow a beast to talk, it was unspeakable.

Only then did she notice the pair had stopped talking and were now watching her with interest.

“Peter, this is Harriet,” the abnormality spoke. “I thought her prescence would help you understand things better.”

Harriet covered her ears and started to weep. “The Lord is my shepard, I shall not fear...” she began to chant to herself, as she felt a paw resting on her shoulder, she shrugged it away with a mad gleam in her eye. “Don’t touch me, beast!” she shrieked and resumed her prayer.

Peter looked at Aslan, confusion etched all over his face. “This child is not well,” he concluded. “Perhaps we should take her to see the physician...”

“No, High King,” Aslan replied solemnly. “You must hear what she has to say.”

“All right,” Peter said and sat down upon the large sofa that graced the left side of the room.

Only then did he notice something flash across the Lion’s eyes that he had never seen before.

Guilt.

“Aslan, please tell me who this Susan person is,” Peter asked urgently. “Is she a threat to Narnia?” He added gravely.

“I thought she was,” the lion spoke in a tone Peter had never heard. “But even I can make mistakes.” He stated firmly.

“I don’t understand,” Peter’s confusion was palpable in his words. “Who is she then?”

“She’s your sister.”

“Sister?” Peter laughed. “Aslan, Lucy is my only sister!”

“She is not,” Aslan said, his expression unreadable, as he turned to the window. “You have another sister, older than Lucy, younger than yourself...”

“Why can’t I remember her? Where is she?” Peter’s mind was full of questions. Suddenly a voice very much like his own resounded in his head.

My sister Susan, she’s no longer a friend of Narnia.

“She was a foe!” He jumped to his feet. “She only cared for the banal things!” He said mechanically, almost if he had been trained to give that answer.

“That is what I made you believe.”

“Aslan...” Peter’s eyes filled with horror at the Great Lion’s implications.

“Peter, you must understand,” Aslan moved away from the window and looked at the High King with pleading eyes. “She was a temptress, she had you bewitched...”

Peter remained silent, the Great Lion’s words sinking in.

“She made you her lover,” Aslan continued. “You were but a child!” he defended. “She was as wicked as Eve,” he said sorrowfully. “I couldn’t punish both of you, knowing you were innocent, knowing you were under her spell...”

“I don’t remember,” Peter said, tears threatening to fall. He had been his sister’s lover? And Aslan had punished her for it?

“I thought I did the best for you,” Aslan said with dignity, “I couldn’t allow her sinful behaviour here!”

“What about my sinful behaivour?” Peter asked, defiance written across his face. “I was with her and with countless others ever since!” He yelled. “I should have been punished too!”

“I couldn’t bring myself to do it, Peter!” Aslan retorted. “You were pure and innocent, it was all her fault!”

Peter couldn’t believe his ears. This couldn’t be wise and just Aslan! There had to be a mistake.

“It has to be a lie,” he said to himself.

“It is not,” Aslan said gravely.

Peter’s head turned to the weeping girl, ignoring the lion completley. There was something in her face that he couldn’t quite place. He was about to speak with her when she started laughing maniacally.

“You’re the father!” She pointed at him.

“Father?” Peter asked with puzzlement.

“Your bastard child grows in her belly!” She shrieked with laughter.

Peter’s eyes widened with horror. Susan was pregnant?

Aslan replied to his unvoiced question. “She bears your child, my son,.” he said grimly.

Peter shook his head as he felt the hot tears streaming down his cheeks. Before he knew it, he had fallen to the floor and started weeping in earnest.

Harriet looked at him with disdain and Aslan moved to place a paw across his shoulder.

“Do the others know?” Peter asked, thinking just how great this betrayal was.

“They don’t,” Aslan replied with sympathy. “That will change tonight,” he added grimly.

“Why now?” Peter asked with hatred.

“Because it was wrong of me to judge.”

The Great Lion moved towards Peter and blew soft air into his face, drying his tears. Peter shook with rage, Aslan’s betrayal had hurt him more than anything in his life. Suddenly, his vision grew blurry and his arms turned limp and Peter found himself unable to move. Although his body was still trembling uncontrolably, the High King lost consiousness.

He knew this place. He had been here before.

Then he heard it.

“I can’t!”

It was her voice.

He ran towards the door that separated him from her and opened it. An old man stood holding a slighltly younger woman, tears streaming down both their faces. Another man stood next to them, speaking in hushed whispers.

He didn’t pav them much attention until he saw her.

Sweat covered her forehead and her eyes were close. The white cotton sheets she laid upon were covered in blood. Yet her face was familiar. He slightly caressed her hand and she opened her eyes through heavy lids.

“Peter...” she said, her tone accusatory.

He finally knew who that voice belonged to.

SUSAN!

Lucy and Edmund stood by their brother’s bed. He was covered in sweat and his body trembled.

“Why is this happening to him?” Lucy choked back a sob.

Edmund shook his head bitterly. “Aslan said it was coming back to him,” he said, not once hiding his newfound dislike for the Great Lion.

“But we remembered at once!” Lucy cried. “We didn’t go through this...”

“I don’t know what’s wrong, Lu.” He said and swung an arm around his sister’s shoulders. “But he’s going to be angry when he wakes up.”


	9. Beauty in the breaking

Time moved back and forth for Peter, from their fights to their desperate kisses, from London to Narnia, from love to hate and back to love again.

She had been beautiful. Even when she was just a little girl, her face was a picture of grace and elegance. He remembered playing with her, staring wide-eyed at a newborn Edmund and holding her as she cried when their mother told them Lucy was going to be born, for she no longer would be his favorite sister.

Then they were older. War. Fear. And they clung to eachother in desperation. And then, Narnia.

Queen. Friend. Lover. Wife. She had been all of those things in what they called “The Golden Age” He remebered her sweet touch, her whispers and the call of his name in the moment of passion.

The White Stag. The Wardrobe. They returned, but they weren’t the same. They weren’t children anymore. He remebered the first night he slept alone in his bed, how he clung to his pillow seeking a replacement for her warmth. And then the soft footsteps that echoed through the hallway, his door opening slowly and her sillouhette against its frame.

Tears streamed down both of their faces as he opened his arms and she ran towards him and buried her head in his chest.

“I don’t want this!” Susan yelled. “I miss our bed!” She complained

“Me too,” he smiled through his tears. “But it isn’t the same here, Su.”

“Why can’t it be?” She pulled back from him and stared into his blue eyes. “Love is the same here and in Narnia.”

“We’ll be judged!” He lowered his head.

“What do you care?” She snapped, her face red with fury. “You never did in Narnia,” she added in a whisper.

“No, that was your job, remember?”

“I think I learned my lesson,” she said furiously. “So the roles have been reversed.” She stated sadly and moved to leave.

Peter reached for her and grabbed her arm. “They *will* judge us,” he lamented. “But we don’t have to worry about it tonight... let them question us tomorrow,” he pleaded.

Susan’s eyes filled with tears once more. “Yes.” She agreed. “We’ll worry about it in the morning,” she said as she slid into bed next to him.

And that became their motto, she came to his bed and they slept as man and wife. But she left in the morning before anyone could see.

A year passed of secret meetings and stolen kisses and they found themselves going back to Narnia. For a few wonderful hours his thoughts were filled with going back to the way it used to be and the hope of finally being together again. But then Aslan told them they could never go back and he saw the hope flicker away from her eyes.

When they went back, she never visited him in the night anymore.

Peter watched with horror how his beloved Susan was replaced with a mere shell of her former self. She busied herself with parties and suitors and his heart broke little by little when he saw her return home late, smuged red lipstick across her face.

He tried to get interested in other girls. But they weren’t her, they would never be her. And so he began to document his romance with Susan in his private notebooks, it was the only way he could feel her close to him in those days.

Time kept passing and the gap between them grew deeper. He left for college. She didn’t say goodbye.

And then one night as he was writting on his latest notebook in his flat, the doorbell rang.

He opened the door and there she stood. She was soaked to the bone, her make up was all over her face, he didn’t know if it was from the rain or from the obvios redness in her eyes.

She slapped him with all her might. He just stood there flabbergasted. God, she could not be older than seventeen and yet she held herself as if she had already lived two lifetimes.

Then he remembered that, in fact, she had.

“Ask me to leave,” she begged. “Tell me it’s no use!” She cried.

“What are you talking about?”

“Like you don’t know!” She yelled and entered the apartment, dropping her purse on the couch and running a hand through her messed up hair.

“I really don’t, Susan,” he said truthfully.

“They all look the same!” She continued to ramble. “If you put any two of them together, you can’t really tell the difference,” she said in a small voice.

This was one conversation he didn’t want to be having with her. “They’re just boys, Susan,” he said angrily.

“Exactly!”

“Exactly what?” He asked with annoyance.

“They’re boys,” she said moving closer to him. “I want a King,” she stated, placing a hand on his chest.

He tried to ignore the tingling her touch brought and he gently removed her hand.

”You said it was just a game,” he said cruelly. “Then leave it at that!” He yelled, hot angry tears streaming down his face.

“The game I play is everyday I spend without my King,” she sobbed.

“It’s wrong!” He yelled.

“Says who?”

“Everyone!” He countered as a matter of fact.

“I don’t care anymore about what ‘everyone’ thinks anymore,” she said softly. “Peter, I need my King...” Susan smiled through her tears.

“I’m just a boy.”

“You will never be... Just. A. Boy.” She emphasized each word as she closed the gap between them.

Her lips met his in a moment of desperation.

He remembered feeling lost and found at the same time. It was what he had been yearning for, the only thing he could ever want. His hands found her breasts and she moaned softly against his mouth.

He pulled away softly and stared at her through heavy lids. God, she was beautiful. He gently placed his arms under her and carried her towards the bathroom. He set her down in front of the mirror and grabbed a damp cloth, which he ran gently across her face. Eyelids, cheeks, lips, he left no part of her features untouched. When he was done, he smiled. It was her. His Queen. She was back.

“Peter...” She whispered before he kissed her again. Delicately and deeply. He held her close, just feeling happy to have her in his embrace. She pulled away from him and placed feather-light kisses upon his face. “Take me to your room,” she said in a throarty whisper.

He didn’t know how they both managed to get there. He only knew that she felt soft underneath his hands. Though he began by explring her body through her clothes, Susan could barely wait and begged him to take them off.

Soon, she was standing naked before him, the moonlight caressing her milky white skin. He feared that if he should touch her she would vanish, but she grabbed his hand and placed it upon her breast, and his explorations began anew.

He shed his clothes quickly and before long they were both in bed, laying together and taking comfort in the other. Peter wasn’t sure he ever wanted to do anything else in his life. He just wanted to be with her, like this, forever. But his body had other ideas and he was becoming incresingly uncomfortable with his arousal.

As if reading his thoughts, Susan opened her legs and he accomodated himself between her thighs. Still caressing her and placing soft kisses across her jaw, he entered her in a swift motion.

Susan moaned with pain and pleasure when he started moving inside her, her tight walls clenching and unclenching around his manhood. No words were spoken but they held eachothers gaze as the danced together again. Finally, when neither could take it anymore, Peter released his hot seed inside of her and she screamed as she, too, reached her climax.

Peter smiled weakly at her before burying his face in her neck and whispering how much he loved her. She placed kisses upon his sweaty forehead and returned his feelings.

They made love many times that night, and the day after. It was a wonderful weekend spent in bed and in a newfound intimacy.

“We’ll make it work,” Susan said confidently as she stroked Peter’s hair, his head resting upon her shoulder.

“We will,” He smiled up at her and kissed her chin. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Sooner than they expected, Monday came and Peter had to go to a “very important meeting” Though he refused to tell her what it was about, he had begged her to join him.

“It will be nice, I promise,” he’d said while getting dressed. “Please come?”

“But I’m only making myself comfortable here,” she stretched out lazily in his bed, giving him a full view of her exposed breasts. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”

“I promised I would be there, Su,” he said sadly. “You won’t even walk me to the train station?”

“Too tired,” she turned around and hugged a pillow.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise,” he said and with one last lingering kiss, he left her.

If only he had known... he would never have left that room.

The image of a naked Susan sprawled across his bed was replaced with an all too familiar scenery.

The blood stained sheets, the screams, the pain...

She was dying. He could feel her dying.

Susan! He screamed inside his head, trapped in his own nightmare.

*******

Edmund held Lucy against his chest outside Peter’s bedroom. The youngest Pevensie cried in earnest, muttering words such as “Sister” and “Why” between her sobs.

The Just King tried to soothe her, whispering words of reassurance that he didn’t believe himself. For all he knew his brother was on the verge of death and he now had a lifetime of memories of a sister who was, by all means, a stranger to him.

He pondered how Susan could be a stranger to him now. He remembered her gentle features and warm words and almost wept with Lucy for what had been taken from them.

A giggle broke Edmund out of his reverie.

His eyes scanned the corridor looking for the person who would laugh at them in their dire state only to see her in the far corner of the hall grabbing the hem of her dress and staring pointedly at the pair.

Harriet Lewis.

“Do you enjoy laying with her, Pevensie?” She asked Edmund, her tone filled with malice. “I suppose that if you take after your brother, you must really enjoy exploring her naked body, basking in the wrongness of your sin...”

Edmund was left speechless at her rude comments and was about to retort when he felt Lucy’s hand turn into a fist on his chest.

“Shut up,” she said calmly, almost gently. But Edmund wasn’t fooled, hours and hours of frustration and anger were catching up with his sister.

For some reason that only seemed to provoke the girl further. “Su said that a lot, you know. She really didn’t like me telling her the truth, we became really good friends. See, I taught her what happens to a sorry little sinner like her and-“

“Shut up!” Lucy said, this time more forcefully.

“I understand,” Harriet nodded calmly. “You and your family have denied Christ the Lord and live in this...” She stopped and looked around her as if to prove a point. “... Satanic utopia where that talking beast made you Kings and Queens. It must be real fun, but you don’t fool me,” the deranged girl stated with a smile. “When judgement day comes, I shall be by the Lord’s side as he burns down all of this in His wrath...”

Lucy laughed. “Are you serious?”

Harriet seemed taken aback for a second. “Of course I am,” she said matter of factly. “Are you not aware of your sin? Do you want to confess? You can still save yourselves!” She ran towards Edmund and Lucy and seized the latter by the shoulders.

Lucy pushed the stranger away from her. “Don’t touch me!” She yelled.

“Su liked to say that too.” Harriet smiled fondly as if recalling the most amusing memory. “She should have thought of saying that to the ‘High King’ in there, before he put the bastard in her belly,” she added with a smirk.

Edmund held Lucy by the shoulders; she was shaking from head to toe with fury. Before his little sister did anything harsh, he decided that maybe through her insanity he could get a few truths from Harriet.

“How long have you lived with Susan?” He asked, ignoring the bewildered look his sister gave him. A look that clearly said: How dare you initiate a conversation with her?

Harriet seemed lost in thought for a minute, before replying. “Since her second month”

“How is she without us?”

“She cries, she lies, she cries again.” Harriet stated putting one hand on top of the other as she spoke.

“She lies?” Edmund raised an eyebrow.

“She lied to my mother, she didn’t say anything about her sin.” A strange light beamed in Harriet’s eyes. “But I found out, Mother always thought I was stupid but I was clever enough to figure out her secret. Then it wasn’t hard to teach her a lesson...”

“What kind of lesson?” The young man’s voice trembled as he asked, unsure if he wanted to know.

“The lesson that made her bleed!”

“You harmed the baby!” Lucy accused. pointing a finger at her antagonist as new tears welled in her eyes. “And you call yourself a servant of God!” She cried with indignation.

“I am a servant of Christ!” Harriet screamed at the top of her lungs and moved her hand to slap the Brave Queen, only to have it caught in midair.

Harriet let out a muffled scream at what she saw in the youngest Pevensie’s eyes.

Pure hatred.

Lucy brutally twisted Harriet’s wrist until the other girl was on her knees begging her not to break it. She could hear Edmund’s weak protests but she didn’t care, this girl had caused Susan pain. Sweet, beautiful and fair Susan. The Gentle Queen. The Mother of her nephew... the woman she had always wanted to be. When the girl was crying loud enough for all Cair Paravel to hear, Edmund finally pulled them apart.

“That’s enough!” He said with mock severity; he knew he couldn’t blame Lucy for what she had done. If it had been up to him he would have had the nutter hung.

Harriet held her now bruised wrist as she tried to get away from the pair while yelling odd curses. “He sees everything! You shall be punished! You shall...” Soon her screams became a faint noise as she ran further down the hall.

Lucy covered her head with her hands. “That evil girl! Edmund, if she did anything to Susan or the baby...” the rest of her words were inintelligible though she was no longer crying.

“They will be alright,” Edmund said, trying to convince himself as much as his sister. “And when Peter wakes up, we will go back for them and we’ll disappear.”

”He’s not going to allow that.” She said sadly. Edmund didn’t need to ask who ‘He’ was.

“We’ll figure something out.”

Before any of them could say anything more, a strangled cry came from inside the bedroom. Brother and sister rushed inside hurriedly and Lucy almost wept for joy when she saw Peter sitting bolt upright in bed.

“Peter!” She cried and launched herself upon him, although he did not return her embrace.

“We were so worried,” Edmund said truthfully as he came to his brother’s side.

“Do you remember her?” Peter asked harshly, his back rigid and his eyes set on the wall.

Edmund and Lucy shared a look. “We do,” Lucy answered for both of them.

“Good,” Peter said calmly as he extricated himself from Lucy’s arms and started to get out of his bed.

“Peter...”

“You were really sick...”

“We though we might lose you for a while...”

“You shouldn’t be...”

Peter stood on shaky legs, his face a mask of uncertainty. “She’s hurting right now, they both are...” He headed for his sword immediatly.

“What do you mean?” Edmund asked with a confused expression.

“I’m going to get her... them, I’m going to get them back.” He said forcefully.

“You mean going against Him?” Lucy asked, a hint of fear in her voice.

“Yes.”

“Peter, you are not thinking straight...” Edmund echoed the terror in his sister’s voice. “We can always go back...”

“NO!” Peter yelled. “He lied to me, He used me, He let me do such things to all those girls...” The High King spoke those words in a regretful whisper before turning to look into Lucy and Edmund’s eyes. “You don’t know what it’s like!” He yelled, his body trembling. “I LOVED HER AND HE TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. His shaking knees gave out under him and he started to cry bitterly as he tried to get up using his sword as a cane. 

Lucy let out a strangled yell and ran towards her fallen brother, Edmund following closely. They both threw themselves over him.

“Are you two with me?” Peter asked desperately. When his siblings hesitated, he screamed, “ARE YOU?”

“We are, Peter,” Edmund said and Lucy nodded.

“Then we get her back or blood will run in Cair Paravel.”


End file.
